If I had my agency

If I had my agency...

My eclectic group of people would defy the old-timey nature of my favorite beloved ficticious agency.  Ye, that's right I'm telling Shackelsby and Willowsworth to suck it.  For the moment at least.  An agency needs to be 70% nerds, 20% busy-body, and 10% mob/ mafia qaulifyers.  The nerds keep us up to date, and there is never a dull moment when a girlfriend can be created in a new media format every 34.5 seconds.  I want a team of top-notch nerds... I want the ones that build their own light sabors, and then randomly open up a panel on the side that connects them to a gaming widget- to tell all the other nerds just how freakin' fly they are.  

The busy bodies can just be busy- yelling randomly about how much money we're wasting pretending to do research while we all play the variety of gaming systems that have been supplied for new media purposes.- Why the fuck do we need Guitar Hero 1, 2, and 3!!!!

The mob-sters  can be the presenters- I want somebody intimidating.  But I want the woman that secretly runs the mob- you saw that coming.  I want somebody who's not afraid to put a hit on the competition. and I'd like to have somebody that can make me some damn good italian food- I don't cook that robert-deniro loving, thinly sliced garlic, delight.-

Finally, I want to be the owner of the agency that has gone so mad-cap, fuck-me-crazy that I am forced to make top-dog decisions from the fake little office I've made from my deluxe sweet at Lumming hills mental infirmary.  I can just see it now- We'll take the business, if this rock makes it to that nurse's cleavage- My lovely, old, crazy butt hanging out my robe- even though I never HAD to wear a robe in the first place.

a name....

If I had a comic...

If I had a comic...

I would definitely quit the whole 'let's make somehthing ridiculously epic' thing.  In my opinion, most of them fail because they aren't relevant enough to real issues (Marvel obviously does a good job).  I have to say that the last comic i truly enjoyed was the one they made up for "Queer as Folk"  That was pretty damn good.  No no, if I were to make a comic it would either be something that completely over-exaggerated a stereotype like: 'Green-Team vs. The ad kids"  and it would just completely over-do their battles about ad people selling their souls, and the green team doing everything perfectly for the environment (My Ass).  It would go on in this direction and they would have super-hero style battles in the land of MCAD where they battle to gain the most popular votes.  I can see it now: super hero fights meets political jargon ( i know- never happened before).  If I didn't go in this direction so friggin' close to home, I'd do something so god damned adorable that you just couldn't stand it- (Hunter-Eating Cute Deer).  Picture Deery Lou with a little blood around the mouth at all times.  I think it's be a big hit, and a great escape to scary humor.  I'd read it, plus personally I think the green club would secretly like it. 

They're replicas of people I've already known...

It's always weird as shit when you run into a person that looks exactly like someone you've known...

It's happened to me in the past where you'll see someone that reminds you exactly of another person you were once close too.  The scary part is when you get to know this new person and they act exactly the same way, giving you free reign over their reactions-because you already know what it will be.  I do my best to avoid these repeats in the interest of meeting new people.  However, I never realized just how useful it could be in a situation where being a step ahead on the actions of others is always in your favor. 

My first week here I was in a meeting being ignored about my ideas in the digital realm (as a creative who is supposed to shut up and write something clever) when this slightly mousy media strategist got all excited about his brill idea to blow away our idea by giving away something cool that was free- making him look smarter (in his eyes).  The account people that we were trying to sell on the creative looked intrigued by him, but there are few things that bother me more than someone who held information from you in the spirit of presenting on behalf of his team.  What is so striking about this person is that he is exactly like a friend Alex I used to have in highschool.  He would be really quiet most of the time, until he intended to sound smarter than you or the group.  I would always take it upon myself to shut down these people- it's all about control whether I intended that or not.  The thing is, it didn't matter who he was trying to get to, he would always shut up and listen to me, and then drool a little because I verbally beat him.  That's the thing about not just men (women too), but men especially- they want to be beaten- it presents a challenge.  

So now I sit here in my office widdle-ing away at my crazy writing scheme for the idea of exponential fears- picture it- generic event topic like a wedding- plus a crazy concept like bikers at the republican convention- then create an exponential story line.  It makes for some interesting writing.  However sitting here not doing some great media concepts to go along with my great writing means one thing- that mousy little fucker that reminds me of Alex, and his team are doing these things that would strengthen the creative- away from me, out of my control, where I can't beat him.  It's time to break down the cubicle walls, get to guys like this and beat them, maybe that's really the way to reach people who don't want to combine departments- beat them, join them, and create some great god-damn work.- well back to it.  I have some crazy characters to write, and some drooling nerds to break down.

He looked like Quentin...

The strangest thing,... the man looked like Quentin Tarentino.  

Here i thought that no one was using them, but now I find that the ones using them are those taht appear like some of my favorite movie directors.  Perhaps in a place so big I am just not seeing everyone.  The cool people are the ones riding around, dodging my view.  I should just pick up a scooter, and I've now picked a victim for the jello.  Copywriter, and the first person i wrote with.  he was pretty fun, for the most part he was stressed out, so now I just want to see if he'll freak out when I put his stapler in Jello.  I should really come up with my own gag.  I truly hate ripping of 'the office' but it's just so damn fun.  I know...If I can manage to hang somone's office supplies from the ceiling( of which is quite high up) I will have created my own feat, for fellow co-workers.

They sit unused!

The scooters sit unused! the scooters sit unused!...

these wonderful items sit idol against empty cubes- like a neon pink soccer ball in the 'stepford wives'.  These playful things have use, but they represent the fun level here.  The fun being used sits in the back supply room where generally 'the guys'  resort to a little ping pong.  Do these scooters 'rep' a facade to the agency fun life?  I sat in a meeting for a new quickie project, and it was yet again for the account people.  The one woman went on about how she had never worked with creatives like this before.  She had at her disposal: 2 graphic designers, a director, and me the writer.  They had no specific tasks for us, and really didn't know what to have us do.  I think I may have found the loop hole to the creative input at this place.  It is currently: a free-for-all. I didn't recognize because it's hard to see.  This place is littered mostly with account and strategists, but the new incoming wave of creative people is because this creative wing is essentially new.  However, there are the characters here that support a generally creative mind because they themselves are fun people.  Cookster: IE-Kathy, fun-loving, candy-giving exec. Office manager person knows old time ways of promoting a fun office.  Everybody loves her, and she remains the neutral party band-aid to any crabby office types.  Oh Kathy, how I know she would just grab one of those scooters one day excitedly, rip off the cob-webs, and fly free own the bad 90's carpet with passing dashes; just to make me smile.  There remains few things happier than a 40-some year old woman, with a big smile, showing off her scooter skills.

Decisions, Decisions

I have nothing to do,... but get paid.

  Seriously, what the hell.  All this preaching about being busy, but i sit here and have jack to do.  I can only resort to my crazy alternative attention-getting mediums so many times a day.  This is the point where i can decide to do alternative projects.  Make up the time next week, but this week do something exciting.  Fortunately for this month, my place of education has been invaded by movie stars.  Apparently Joshy Mc Harnett has decided to make a mediocre film at my school, and they need extras tomorrow.  I should just go do that.  There is nothing interesting to report on the front of the caged creative, there's no creativity to be caged at this point.  it's dull here, and I even miss the thought that all my creative ideas will be shot down for traditional methods.  I know I could create excitement! I could take the scooters that sit seemingly attaching themselves to cobwebs and create an exciting game of run down the interactive people.  I openly respect their ideas, but secretly I see them as permanently viewing their lives as some f'ed-up video game.  I can see it now,... 2 interactive people disagree on the cool level of a certain website, then bam!  They're in another world!  The area around them drifts away to reveal pine trees bending as they walk over them.  The 2 interactive types begin using there nonsensical asian swords to battle each other while dancing across the pine trees.  Yes I over-exaggerate when I envision the info-crazy types in that department as forever in a (very good) asian film that has now become cliche.  Jesus it's dull here right now.  

Good GOD the coffee's gone...

Oh sweet jesus the coffee's gone!  Now the cub moves on to other cubicle activities while she awaits the next integration into the pack.  One client project half-way participated in, and then...

I now sit patiently in my cube awaiting the next project, trying so hard to shine because I've had way too much caffeine.  It's interesting though, what we do when we're alone, bored in our cubes like children creatively trying to escape the playpen of useless ideation.  I sit here and build! I build and build some more!  Then I build something I've never built before.  I begin with the traditionals as this place is prone to promoting.  I begin with the poster pin-ups, the sketches and doodles, I then move on to the social applications, and then back and forth from that to my favorite websites.  BUT...then I find that my tastes require me to venture into an old-time fave of boredom...the coffee-cup-castle.  I start only with two lone coffee cups, but I have vision!  I know that everyday I will add yet another coffee cup to this work-in-progress, so I doodle together 3 sticky-notes to illustrate my drawbridge and water moat.  I see potential for turrets and towers.  Most importantly I see the potential for a developed story in this kingdom of coffee!  I see illustrating a knightly story with my varying office supplies and ability to doodle senseless!  Will this actually come together for the rest of the pack to see?  Why yes most likely.

The young cub meets the pack...

The cub is introduced to the elders to show what new hunting techniques they contribute...

I am to be introduced to the rest of the creative department on what they call 'third thursday'.

This is where I get up and tell all I  can about how much personality I can contribute to the group. They will ask me about things like my recent adventure to the 'One club' and about the other professional adventures that I've sought out.  After which they may find me interesting because I enjoy competitive sports other than advertising such as softball, presentations, and other ball busting activities.  Then we get into what may make me more interesting because most of the department may not be able to do these things.  I'm an illustrator (I hunt out the brands with my 'neato' way of visualization)  I screen print, and then I write like a damn mad hatter diving into projects such as "if I could write anything ridiculous for a publication I would...".  Hopefully they will find this interesting.  Foremost I see this as an opportunity to befriend as many departments as a I can.  This way my creative ideas won't be halted by numbers and traditional mediums.  The tradition can be good for the right crowd, but I see a 'disconnect' where the numbers decide that traditional is always the way to go... let's see what we can do about that.

Creative in a Cage

I look around the jungle that is this corporate zone...and thus far, the competition is keeping it fun.

I come in as a young cub with my ideas of hyper efficient ways to reach the world, but they don't necessarily apply at all times.  The best part is the continuing tension between the creatives and the account people.  At this 'agency' it's the opposite of the way a creative team usually works.  I picture the creative team coming up with all sorts of extraordinary crap to make this kick ass experience for the consumer that will blow their minds at how we know what they want to personalize their lives.  How we know what it means to give them a brand to love.  BUT... this place is each team of 2 for themselves, and I mean 2, the idea of a team of 4 or something is damn madness I tell you.  It's the strategists vs. the old-fashioned creatives!  the only problem is the creatives are kept from evolving.  The strategists don't want the creatives doing research and whatnot because it's THEIR job!  However when it comes time to prove that the creative will stand the test, the main argument is where's your research- you wouldn't give it to me.  So now(I) the young cub lurks through this corporate jungle knowing to cunningly go around both the creatives and the strategists to become the 'new creative', this thing that has the right to use all tools to create an experience that is truly innovative... stay tuned.

Where for art Thou Abernathy?!!

Where are thou Abernathy!...

Why can't I find that sassy lawyer type?  She's skinny, old, and plum packed full of attitude!  I imagine her glasses dangle with a long overly-decorated chain. (this picture helps if you read this in a stuffy english/ old boston voice).  She's the executive creative director, and she's got a critique for you.   She striked HOT at the Newton Figgies annually, and lives by the shackelysby code- no, no- not before golf and brandy.- No sass from the youngins, and no mercy!